7 – between memories

If we do not write,
we will forget
and be

[I’m reminded of my late maternal grandfather who would keep rectangles of cardboard torn from cigarette cartons in his pocket and use them to note down any thing of interest. He was a meticulous record-keeper, and each family member had their own file in the curious grey cabinet I’d spend hours scratching through as a child. Birth records, school results, newspaper clippings, First Aid certificates, letters; that’s how I met my mother’s brothers who had passed on before I was born.]

A big bad block, but there’s always a poem

When I’m feeling particularly useless, I type random words into my Gmail search and read the regurgitated chat archives. It was April 10, 2006 and Sg33k had sent that very first email. I bounced this off of a friend and said, “He seems literate” (ya, Miss-fucking-pretentious was I). That throw-away line was a little piece of flint, and while it’s not going to burn down the house, at least it gave off a bit of smoke today.

He seems literate

Famous first words.
Before clever funny words
And what are we words
And I think this is going somewhere words
And when are you going to words
And then I Do words
Into pet words
And silly words
No words
Never angry words
Just grateful words
Just I am so fucking lucky words
Thank God words
And when I have no words
He brings words
To write this story.


It’s not that I
don’t want you.
Almighty Forbid.
May that not be taken for prayer.
It’s just that
I don’t want you
right just now.
If I were having
guests over for lunch,
would I tell them to come
at 10am?
They’d eat their fingers
while I chopped onions.
I want there to be
stories ready
for when you arrive.
Of how we went and got new
tongues in Damascus,
a rich world of words
that would be part of your inheritance,
Before we wrap and bundle you,
I want reams of my written to coddle you.
It’s not that I’m selfish,
but selfless.
I want there to be more of me
to give to you.
It’s not that I
don’t want you.
I even have a name
for you.
“One who guides”
But not right now.