some sage and thyme for the sprogs

Our very own Meme Queen Kaye has been knocking the flints together and Shafs wants to know what ten things I would like the watermelons from my loins to know.

  1. If you have sex before marriage, your hoo-hoo will turn blue and fall off. (Ok, maybe it won’t. I’m hoping our conversations about things of this nature will not get awkward when you’re older and have stopped calling it a hoo-hoo.)
  2. Not everyone will like you. Sometimes I may not even like you. But I love you and would die for you.
  3. You won’t be good at everything, but you will be great at a few things.
  4. Always acknowledge anyone who has done a service to you (from waiters to car guards to that cashier who looks like someone farted in her cereal). Thank with sincerity and a smile in your eyes.
  5. Give of what you can, and often.
  6. Your parents aren’t perfect.
  7. Don’t carry any tales unless they’re meant to be written down and read aloud.
  8. If you are your mother’s child, your teenage years will be awkward and angsty. It will pass, and when you read your old diaries, you will laugh at what the adult you will see as frivolous intensities.
  9. While your mother’s desk may still have a ‘there be dragons’ notice pointing to it, being neat and organised really does unclutter your thinking.
  10. Confidence is an easy trick to pull off. Fake it till you make it.

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I am a writer and photographer (look up my work on based in Johannesburg, South Africa. I have an MA in Creative Writing from the university currently known as Rhodes. My writing accolades include winning the 2014 Writivism Short Story Prize and the 2020 Ingrid Jonker Poetry Prize for my debut collection, Zikr.

11 thoughts on “some sage and thyme for the sprogs”

  1. is ‘hoo-hoo’ for boys or girls …
    {wonders whether she can teach her son to say hoo-hoo when he realises he has one}

  2. I FORGOT #1 IN MINE!!

    lol, i love your pearls of wisdom too. i am really enjoying this….both having written an admittedly rather bland one but reading everyone elses too!

  3. Nice list 🙂

    Regarding number 1, I’ve heard that you shouldn’t use names like that from the beginning – because it makes it easier for an abuser to abuse the child (God forbid). It’s better to use the proper terms from the beginning.

    And anyway, with the way sex education starts so young, they’d probably find out the proper name sooner than you think. (The sex education thing is another topic…but i think it should be the parents responsibility to teach them the proper understanding of it – not a school’s, who’s views may contradict what you want to teach your child).

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