Our very own Meme Queen Kaye has been knocking the flints together and Shafs wants to know what ten things I would like the watermelons from my loins to know.

  1. If you have sex before marriage, your hoo-hoo will turn blue and fall off. (Ok, maybe it won’t. I’m hoping our conversations about things of this nature will not get awkward when you’re older and have stopped calling it a hoo-hoo.)
  2. Not everyone will like you. Sometimes I may not even like you. But I love you and would die for you.
  3. You won’t be good at everything, but you will be great at a few things.
  4. Always acknowledge anyone who has done a service to you (from waiters to car guards to that cashier who looks like someone farted in her cereal). Thank with sincerity and a smile in your eyes.
  5. Give of what you can, and often.
  6. Your parents aren’t perfect.
  7. Don’t carry any tales unless they’re meant to be written down and read aloud.
  8. If you are your mother’s child, your teenage years will be awkward and angsty. It will pass, and when you read your old diaries, you will laugh at what the adult you will see as frivolous intensities.
  9. While your mother’s desk may still have a ‘there be dragons’ notice pointing to it, being neat and organised really does unclutter your thinking.
  10. Confidence is an easy trick to pull off. Fake it till you make it.