15 for a 15th

  1. Monday, you’re the asshole. Tuesday, they’re the asshole. Forgive each other. These are not permanent conditions.
  2. Your spouse is not meant to fill every assigned role in your life. Yes, they are your best friend, but you also have other friends.
  3. Approach your lives together with an “Attitude of Gratitude.”
  4. Don’t be a Debby Downer. Support each other’s dreams and ambitions. Not everything will work out every time, but you’re in it together.
  5. Learning to be unselfish is an act of true love.
  6. Kiss everyday.
  7. You do marry the family. Map out your boundaries and commitments early on.
  8. Understand that you both carry baggage from your lives before each other, and consider how this contextualises your approaches to conflict.
  9. Respect your spouse’s need for alone time.
  10. You don’t have to like the same things but it is important to have a few shared interests. These touchpoints fortify the life you’re building together.
  11. Mutual respect is paramount.
  12. Before you even marry, make sure this is a person you’re just happy to hang out with for extended periods of time.
  13. Be their cheerleader. Always have their backs.
  14. Be independent in yourselves. You have different ID numbers, you are individuals in the eyes of Bank and State.
  15. Love with abandon, with abundance and no expectations.

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I am a writer and photographer (look up my work on www.shootcake.com) based in Johannesburg, South Africa. I have an MA in Creative Writing from the university currently known as Rhodes. My writing accolades include winning the 2014 Writivism Short Story Prize and the 2020 Ingrid Jonker Poetry Prize for my debut collection, Zikr.

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