on if we could see what we carry

In a world of manifest metaphor, we carry our baggage by our sides and on our backs. Into suitcases, hold-alls, carry-ons and duffel bags, we cramp and stuff once significant others, bruises taken as children, rejections suffered at the hands of those more than us, dreams we were slow to claim and the crumbs of daily inadequacies that flake off to line the inseams.

We struggle with our mis-matched luggage; backs stooped, gaits shuffled; into cars, onto busses, taxis, shifting for space around our legs in coffee-shops, cinemas, cubicles at work, restrooms and parks.

Some people’s baggage precede them – taking up too much of your elbow room while others clutch them tightly to their chests, afraid the bones will fall out. We all move around each other in concerted rhythm; this sluggish dance of dragging trunks and lockers, weighted down by chunks of heart, reams of unwritten words; hard-drives of emails we never pushed the button on and what-ifs that clutter in-between.

We see each other for the mules we are and search for some luggage carousel’s re-assuring loop to offload and walk away straight backed; leaving hang-ups and let-downs to circle unclaimed.

soul’d (memories of ramadaan)

Ramdh, “burning of the feet from heat”

Ramadha, ‘intense heat”

Ramad, “the heat of the stones arising from the intense heat of the sun”
Heat.
And yet Ramadaan brought a coolness of spirit; satin pools offering respite from the insistent fingers of the sun.

And the whisperings of the Shayateen, kept far from us, we’re told, during the fast, which amplified to me just how much of our baseness is our own, the internal conflicts – civil wars.

Praying in evening congregation – hundreds of souls binded by the lifting of one finger, “God is One”, wired firmly by the “Aameen”, in one supplicant voice – I held Hope by the shoulder, “we will smash through our schisms, if only we all prayed together.”

And don’t tell me that women should not pray like this, don’t tell me that masaajid and congregational Eid salaah are not for those born without a y-chromosome. These are times of Fitnah, only because we’ve kept mothers away from that which will feed their children.

And as swiftly as Ramadaan shades us, that is how it leaves us, open; with a longing for 11 lunar births to whole the soul. May its legacy live on in the little things we forget; give off yourself in ways that will not lessen you- smile without motive, acknowledge those with hands cupped at traffic lights, be kind to all who join you on your path.

capsule kimberley

IMG_0001
Kimberley. Hot. Flat. Sparse.

You walk into the airport to walk out of the airport.

“Everything’s five minutes away,” I’m told.

This is a full-on work trip and time is not lenient, so I don’t get to see the big hole or the diamonds this unassuming dorpie is claim-famed to. I spend the day in a building with inactive airconditioning, compensated only by the friendly willingness of the people I have to interview, the real diamonds in the dust.

It looked like rain in Johannesburg when I left in the a.m, but here it’s 29 celcius, and the sky is a stubborn blue.

Duties discharged and it’s back to the corridor through which I catch the return flight. It’s 4.30pm and the curio shop is closed. The waiting area is too small to people-watch, and I don’t want to come across as a loon. It’s a small town, you know how people talk. I wittle away time on
Mxit and Opera mini (glory, glory).

It begins to drizzle as I step onto the little plane. My window seat is seated right next to the propellor, and I found myself slipping hypnotic as i watch it pick up momentum until the edge of the blades disappear. That’s the super power I want, being able to move so fast, no one sees me. The buzz from the propellors is so loud, I stop hearing it, and I’m looking over the landscape, an abstract carpet. This is farming country; a Mondrian of reds, greens, yellows and browns, circles and geometrics.

Flying through the clouds, I indulge in pareidolia, seeing monsters and gods in the cumulus. I’m looking at the spires of a castle on a mountain with a mermaid in the moat, when I realise it’s sunset, time to break fast. A mid-air iftaar; I’ve packed dates and open SAA’s offering – salmon and cream cheese roulade and some fishy-lookin snoek (obvious pun intended). The salmon’s edible and I smile at the packet of Tumbles. Mmmm…. chocolate. In-flight catering finally gets something right.

Touch down Jhb straight into a traffic freeze. Scattered accidents and breakdowns convert the 20 minute commute to an hour and a half belly-crawl.

If I were in Kimberely, I’d be five minutes away.

Capsule Cape Town

The last time the Mother City welcomed me was December of ’94. The family holiday, I was eleven years old. Took a walk on the mountain, and returned to find them spinning in hysterics. They thought I’d fallen over the edge or been eaten by a mutant dassie.

Something of an adult now, I maintain that lofty edges offer the best views and I never miss the opportunity to push a tongue out at chipmunks.

So back to the “return to Cape Town”; a fly-in-fly-out-overnighter for work. Sat between two largish women on the plane, the cheer of economy class. The one who usurped my window seat was overheating. She may have been pregnant (I didn’t dare confirm) and decorum overrode the bitchmode induced by the discomfort of having the cooling fan deepfreeze my eyeballs, while she called for the airsteward to haul an iceberg or two.

The drive to the hotel, and I’m reminded just how much the mountain dominates, it’s hulk dictating the spread of the city and perhaps the laid-back temperament of its people (I was told it’s the mineral ore in Table Mountain that contributes to the trademark Capetonion disposition)

I spend the night at The Metropole on Long street. Luxury boutique hotel, I read off the website. The copy doesn’t do it justice. They’ve left little sugarcoated jujubes wrapped in clear cellophane as my sleep-treat. I’m swallowed by the plush of the pillows and swim in the cool of the linen. I want to live here forever and ever, in this soft-towelled gentle-hummed climate controlled pill.

Supper is kurdish; guvech at Mesopotamia. Heavy tapestry, dim lighting and the air thickly weaved with the redolence of Shisha. Eating dolmades off of low copper trays, I don’t feel like a solo diner. The other patrons are seated on cushions next to me, and their conversations fall like condiments into my food with the spice of some turkish pop played on the restaurant’s soundsystem.

I meet up with webaddiCT and we talk google and geek over caffeine at Lola’s. The decor is something we christen nouveau-retro. During the stream of conversation, the internet slights our geography. I discover he’s the legend responsible for an erstwhile net-haunt from my days at RAU, the only fish in the thinktank behind the now defunct www.plaasjaapie.com.
Long street sleeps when it’s fans do, and we leave the ardent aherents behind in Lola’s and Fiction and I’m back at the hotel, preparing for the 6.30am wake up call. My pores absorb the tenderness of the sheets. On cue, my eyes staple shut to welcome nothing-dreams.

Waking up at 6.30 was something of a foolish optimism. Those pillows, those sheets, I simply couldn’t detach. The trauma of separation anxiety dimmed when I finally made it down to a breakfast of standard lux hotel fare; coffee, croissant and muesli-fruitsalad-swimming-in-pristine-yoghurt. My inner gourmand called for crumpet-like hotcakes streaked with cream and a beautifully-prepared berry sauce.

Baseness appeased, I set off to my gig, I’ve almost forgotten that I’m in Cape Town for work and not to eat and inhale the city.

After the bookreading at the children’s library, I walk back to the hotel. I’m given directions but I let them lose their rigidity. I don’t mind getting lost, there’ll always be someone to help you find yourself.

I find a bench on Government Avenue and watch; tourists, school children on an excursion to parliament, bergies, municipal workers, people on early lunch breaks. It’s one of those days when you blink, warm from the sun and the world is perfect and complete in that second when eyelash kisses eyelash. A stroll through the gardens and I find my way back into Long Street. I’m checking email at the Metropole after I buy books outside the Afrocafe and sift through vintage skirts at a stall.

My press-release and pics sent and delivered, I have two and a half hours to bead before my airport transfer. And because Cape Town is a city for walking, I make my way to the Waterfront. I underestimate the distance, but I don’t mind it. I’m wearing flats and i’m in the mood to eat kilometres.

I settle on a lunch of calamari and onion rings at Fisherman’s Choice. My meal companions are the seagulls who are adept at picking fries off people’s plates. I wonder what these fat flying chickens have as cholesterol levels.

After these ruminations, I follow the “Pedestrian route to the city” signs back to the hotel, grateful to the city council for thinking of tourists and jozi-girls, in time for my transfer.

Bag in hand, in the cab, my back is to the mountain, but I don’t feel as if I’ve left Mother behind.

scribbles…(1)


There is no elegant, poised way to clutch a crayon. As your fingers fist-wrap around the wax and shoulders hunch instinctively over paper, this world of adult falls away in scales.

The little stub of wax; is now the portkey to the land where imagination startles bright, where friends are forgiven with pinkie-hugs and “I want to be a discover and a explorer and a scientist and a writer and a doctor” is more within grasping distance than ever. “Draw outside the lines, the sky doesn’t have to be blue…” the voices different from the ones that built the scaffolding around you when you signed away your day between 8 and 5.

When the amnesia of adult sets in, and the priorities of living cloud and numb; find a crayon. Hold it.

I gots the 419 … (3)

The Final Installment…
One soon tires of humouring morons and I’ve always embraced my ADD as the one thing that keeps me snappy. So unless Bertrand’s ‘responce’ to my last email is really blog-worthy, this is my concluding salvo.

From: Bertrand
Mailed-By: myway.com
Reply-To: bertrand_green@myway.com
To: saaleha@gmail.com
Date: Aug 1, 2006 6:29 PM
Subject: Responce Ms Saaleha Bamjee
 

Dear Bamjee,

I am in receipt of your mail and the content noted.I have already instructed your sisters husband on what to do.I am still expecting his response.

Have a lovely day.
Bertrand

From: Saaleha Bamjee
Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: bertrand_green@myway.com
Date: Aug 3, 2006 1:38 PM
Subject: Re: Responce Ms Saaleha Bamjee

My Darling Beau Bertrand,

Why so cold? Why so clinical in your ‘responce’. All I want is a little love. Is that too fucking much to ask for? Pardon my er… french. haha. That’s a little humour for you. get it? get it?

So you’ve received my email and you’ve noted the content. What the fuck does that mean? oops…french again. mwah mwah i’m sorry. I’ve opened my heart and soul to your Bertrand angelfood mudcakes. I want to marry you and have lots of little francophone brats.

Pleeeaaasssssseeeeeeeeeeeeee love me! Or else I’ll take one of Mam’s thongs and hang myself from the cellphone-signal tower.

I’m sad now. You’ve gone and depressed me. All I want is for you to hold me and whisper MC Sollar or Youssou ‘n dor lyrics to me.

Be mine forever Bertrand!!! or else i’ll hunt down your escargot ass and make you eat the entrails i eviscerate from you!!!!

oh forgive me Bertie baby, its the voices again. May the Good Lord have mercy on my wretched soul.

mwah mwah mwah
tickle spank.

i wuv you soooooooooo much!

 

—-

I’ve also decided that Bertrand should start seeing other people.

 

From: aicha ahmed
Mailed-By: hotmail.com
Date: Aug 1, 2006 8:55 PM
Subject: REPLY BACK URGENTLY PLEASE!!! 

FROM THE DESK OF MRS. AICHA AHMED THE BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING UNIT. FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT. BANK OF AFRICA (BOA)ANNEX OUAGA-BURKINA FASO.

I am mrs Aicha Ahmed, the manager in charge of auditing and accounting unit foreign remittance department of bank of africa (BOA)ouaga-burkina faso in west Africa. With due respect and regards I have decided to contact you on a business transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us at the end of the transaction ,During our investigation and auditing in the bank, in my department I came across a very huge sum of money belonging to a deceased person, a foriegner who died in a plane crash and the fund has been dormant in his account with the bank without any claim of the fund in our custody either from his family or relation before my discovery to this development,Although personally, I kept this information secrete within myself and to enable the whole plans and idea be profitable and uccessful during the time of execution. The amount involved is (us$7,500.000) (Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars ). Meanwhile, all the whole arrangement and directives needed to put claim over this fund as the next of kin to the deceased, Upon your acceptance all the information will be forward to you as soon as you indicate your interest and willingness to assist me and also benefit your self to this great business opportunity,In fact, I could have done this deal alone but because of my position in this country as a civil servant,we are not allowed to operate a foriegn account and would eventually raise an eye brow
on my side during the time of transfer because I work in this bank, this is the actual reason why it will require a second party or fellow who will forward claims as the next of kin with affidavit of trust of Oath to the bank and also present a foriegn account where you will need the said fund to be transferred into, after due verification and clarification to designated bank account,I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk free, On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled to 40% of the total sum as ratification, while 10% will be set aside to take care of expenses that may arise during the time of transfer such as telephone bills etc,While 50% will be for me. Please you have been adviced to keep top secret as I am still in service and intend to retire from service after I conclude this deal with you, I will be monitoring the whole situation here in the bank until you confirm the money in your account and ask me to come down there for subsequent shearing of the fund according to percentages previously indicated and further investment,either in your country or any other country you may advice me to invest in. All other necessary information will be sent to you when I hear from you, I suggest you get back to me as soon as possible, stating your wish in this deal. Trusting to receive your urgent reply through my alternative Email :mrs_aicha_ahmed1@yahoo.com

Your’s Sincerely
mrs Aicha Ahmed

 

From: Saaleha Bamjee
Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: mrs_aicha_ahmed1@yahoo.com
Date: Aug 2, 2006 2:00 PM
Subject: Re: REPLY BACK URGENTLY PLEASE!!!

Dear Mrs Aicha Ahmed,

I can not believe my tremendous good fortune. Why just last week the dashing and charming Barriser Bertrand Green (he’s also my fiance, i hope, ooh i’m so naughty) emailed me with the good news that I was in line to receive a sizable inheritance from the estate of my poor deceased (well, not really poor, but the man’s dead, so i
guess when i say poor, i mean poor as in no longer being rich with life) relative Mr Oliver G Bamjee, who left me with NINE MILLION US DOLLARS. I pray everyday that The Good Lord rest Uncle Oliver’s beneficient, charitable, pious soul in peace. I was not blessed enough to have made his acquaintance while he was still of the mortal coil, but as tribute to his munificent spirit, I will plant a tree in his honour.

While I am ever so grateful that you have chosen me of all the peoples to present with this marvellous opportunity of securing Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars (this is most definitely God’s Hand at work), I must not give in to my base desires and succumb to greed.

The Spirit is willing, but the Flesh is weak, Papi used to say before he ran off with tranny-ho-bitch slut. Poor Papi (not poor as in dead, but poor as in having no moral qualms about leaving behind his beloved family to cohabit with a she-male, i pray for his poor wicked soul).

Anyhoo, last night after reading through your email, I was faced with quite a dilemna. After much self-flagellation and rumination, I chewed on some of the mushrooms Mams cooked after freebasing. It was then that the Almighty spoke to me, Himself, using Riaan Cruywagen from the TV as a medium. The Lord said, that this money wasn’t mine to use and that I should pass it on to someone else who was in need of some material happiness. The Lord also told me to burn down the nursery school, but His laugh was so mordant, and i was sure He was joking. But I gave Echbert the box of matches just in case. You never mess with The Lord.

Acting on the Word, I implore you to contact my darling Bertrand. He is so handsome and intelligent and he’s going to help me so maybe he can help you too.
Here ar
e his details:

Email: bertrand_green@myway.com
Private Phone: 00228 922 8562.

May the Good Lord bless you with bounties of bacon.

My warmest
regards.

Adieu.

~fin~

I gots the 419 … (2)

Bertrand responds!



From: Bertrand
Mailed-By: myway.com
Reply-To: bertrand_green@myway.com
To: saaleha@gmail.com
Date: Jul 28, 2006 9:25 PM
Subject: Responce Ms Saaleha Bamjee

Dear Miss Bamjee,

I am in receipt of your mail and all contents noted.You have to take heart for all that has befallen you, for God almighty knows best. God watches over us and knows the right time to intervene on our behalf. You should count yourself very lucky, a whole new thing is about happening to you. You guessed right. I am french and have also attached my international passport for your own perusals. Thanks for sending me yours also. But at this time, we cannot mix business with pleasure. What is most important now is how to claim your inheritance fund.

Your sister’s husband mailed me also and I have already instructed him on what to do to claim this fund. It is important, I let you know about this. Is he also acting on your behalf???

It will be important, that you all join hands to claim this inheritance fund. I await your urgent responce.

Bertrand Green


From: Saaleha Bamjee saaleha@gmail.com
Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: bertrand_green@myway.com
Date: Jul 31, 2006 9:50 AM
Subject: Re: Responce Ms Saaleha Bamjee

Dearest darling Bertrand baby-smoochies pumpkinpie mopaniworm,

Please accept my deepest, sincerest apologies for not replying to you with the promptness you deserve, my angelcake tripepudding. I have been unable to access the internet as Mams caught me pilfering her brassieres. The discovery was made after Mams couldn’t find the orange and black satin lace hoochie-mama set Papi bought her when they were still rutting like rabbits in the early days (before he ran off with tranny-ho-bitch-slut).

Expecting a gentleman caller, Mams was furious when she couldnt find her ling-er-ray, for we have reached the direst of circumstances and she has decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and sell her body for our survival. She is a strong woman, and I admire her resolve, May the Good Lord Bless her. Admittedly she’s lost some of her youthful lustre, but none of her vigour and like Mams says, all women look the same in the dark, so her hare-lip and whiskers will not in any way detract from her sensous appeal. After seeing her wobble around our shack in nothing but the bounteous folds of skin the Good Lord knitted her in, I had to confess to my dishonesty and misbehaviour. I’ve spent the weekend repenting and self-flagellating in the outdoor lavatory, ruminating over my ill-actions May the Good Lord have mercy on my wicked pathetic scrap of a soul. Oh Bertrand, I am not worthy of your love!!

Anyhoo, Costa is no longer being kind to me. He demanded I bring him more brassieres, and I refuse to dabble further in a life of crime for him. It was only after I presented him with my own delicates, that he reluctantly allowed me the time to type out this email to you my beloved.

I’ve tried to open the picture you’ve attached but it seems its not working. It does not matter. My love for you transcends superficiality such as looks. I will have you for however you appear, for my love is pure and untainted by the bombastic materialism of the earthly plain. You’re a lawyer right? You must be very financially fortunate then.

Yes, I have shared your propostion with my sister’s husband, and he is quite keen on following through with this. What must we do in order to claim this inheritance, and more importantly, when do i get to meet with you?

I must, my love, see you. My body burns with unholy desire of all things carnal.

May the Good Lord bless you with Cows of milk-gravid udders,

My Love and Intimates,

mwah. mwah. spank.